i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
