i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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