I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
