I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
