I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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