3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
