'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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