Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
