I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize