On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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