Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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