there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You may now shotgun with the bride
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
