your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
