I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
