I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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