it wasn't lemon gatorade
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
