why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
