Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
