So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
