I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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