she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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