clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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