Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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