also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
