We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
A bitchslap is in order.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
