It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Randomize
