I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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