Will you blow on my dice?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
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