you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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