In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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