Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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