Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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