She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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