the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
