I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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