and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
