found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
