If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
