i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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