I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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