I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
