Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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