remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
