Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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