Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
