I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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