My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
