i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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