you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
