Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
