11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
