I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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