You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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