You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
