every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
