I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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