i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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