i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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