im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
