i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
