What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
