OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
