This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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