um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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