yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
