I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Mom said you looked used
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
